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Hij
12th August '08, 05:04 PM
Is nearly upon us, or already is if your a lower division type of guy. Big up St. Albans repping in whatever the division is called below the Conference these days.

Im like a kid on Christmas, I can't wait for the season to get back, but as soon as it does, we'll be back with all of the following things



International matches breaking up the flow of the season and leaving you mind numbingly bored for the week.
Nipping for some food inside some shitty away ground, and be forced to buy the skankiest meat and potato pie for a paltry sum of 6.
A suddeny uprising of football fans drinking Whisky/Vodka etc and coke on trains to games in London.
Arriving late for a European game at home, going in for a few pre match beers, only to remember that alcohol isn't served at the ground on European nights. You'll be extremely pissed off at not being able to have any fire juice before the game starts.
Some wannabe tough guy will be at every single game, going on about the aggro outside pre and post match, even though no-body saw anything happening and he's probably living his Football Factory dream, the bell end.
Recieving a smaller allocation for domestic away games due to 'persistant standing' the previous year.
End up getting a bollocking from the police and the stewards for standing up at White Hart Lane, when the rest of the stadium have been stood up singing 'You'll Never Get a Job' for 5 minutes.
Some no-mark cunt will equalise for Hull/Stoke away at their ground in the last minute to set back your hunt for points. He won't be seen again, ever.
Lampard will score 4 goals directly into the net, the other 14 will go in off someones arse.
The respect campaign will be utilised across the country, Rooney still won't get booked for saying 'Fuck off Ref you fucking twat' several times during a game. Usually involving finger pointing and a 'look of death' from the red faced bastard.
An Arsenal player will make a blatant and shocking foul. In customary fashion, Wenger will fail to see it.
Liverpool will go on a good run of form, shortly followed by a few bad games. Everyone in the media will blame rotation and zonal marking for the problems. Later on in the season they'll go on a 7 game winning streak, involving Benitez changing the team for the 7th time in a row, no-one will mention rotation.
Andy Gray and Richard Keys will again try to get something picked up in the press. An innocious foul, will be castigated and suddenly all the tabloids will follow suit, even though everyone knows it weren't that bad.
Richard Keys will love himself even more than the previous season and a few more times this season will try and challenge Andy Gray's opinions in some sort of half arsed attempt to be 'respected' as a pundit himself, rather than Gray's sidekick.
Billy the White Van man will continue to have no opinions of his own, only quoting Andy Gray's one liners from the match the previous night.
Liverpool's owners will continue to undermine Rafa Benitez, the supporters will continue to protest- nothing constructive will happen. Internet posters will think the end of the world has come.
You'll call a player a cunt at Upton Park for a dirty challenge and the steward/policeman will say he was offended by your langauge and you'll be chucked out if you say it again. You subsequently move to the back of the stand with all the guys smoking dope and call every player a cunt for the next 5 minutes.
The nearest Tesco will fail to serve fans alcohol because you are football supporters. 10 minutes later, crates of stolen booze will be being drunk outside the stadium.
A policeman will again take your fake details down for buying beer for your younger brother and tip all of your '2 cans' of beer away, only for you to run across the road to a bush where ya stashed the other 8 cans of Strongbow/Stella/Whatever.
No-one, including the referees will understand the offside rule for the whole season.
After harping on about respecting referees, Sky Sports will replay an incident where the referee was wrong for the rest of the week on Sky Sports News,. During the actual game that took place, Andy Gray will have said something like 'I'm sorry Mr. Bennett, but you've totally ruined the game there' but by next Sunday will be dishing out shit towards a player for challenging a refs decision.
Alex Ferguson will again make a passing reference to retiring, while really just staying in the job till he has more Premier League titles for United than Liverpool.
You'll miss 20 minutes of one game at least this season due to a fucking lorry crash on the M1 and sit with your ear next to Radio 5 Live.
Saturdays will go back to (if you haven't got a ticket for the game) hours of sitting in the pub from 12:45pm, watching every single game that comes on during the day to feed your habit.
Liverpool fans will get really excited about the prospect of beating United at Anfield. They will dominate the game, but either O Shea or Rooney will score an injury time winner at the Kop end to dash their hopes again.
If you get to a final, some stupid twat will come into the marked pub for a certain set of fans, he'll sing some songs from his teams hymn sheet and then subsequently have beer thrown all over him.
In Italy, there will be deaths of supporters at several games across the country, another police officer will die and if an English team travels there, they will have bottles of piss, stones and bottle caps thrown at them. In England, there will be a small fight between supporters at Wigan's ground in the home end. Platini, Galliard and Blatter will say that if any more of this happens, they'll consider action against England and maybe throw us out of the World Cup.
Blatter and Platini will come up with another stunning plan aimed at stunting the English game, but somehow giving an advantage back to the Spanish and Italian leagues.
You'll come out of the ground after drawing with Wigan. Some bell end who wasn't even at the game will call up and call the players part timers and demand that the manager is sacked or hands in his resignation.
You'll fucking shout that a refs biast or a decision was incorrect until your blue in the fucking face, it will consume you and you'll never recover from the injustice....

But you'll love every second of it till May 2009.

'nuum general
12th August '08, 06:05 PM
I can't wait to shout abuse at some well known players. Hasslebank was the best we had last season. Andy "diving cunt" Johnson will be my 1st target.

Eric Cantona
12th August '08, 10:47 PM
Can't fucking wait, can't believe i'm away next weekend working, going to have to take a radio with me lol.

The Messiah
12th August '08, 11:08 PM
Some no-mark cunt will equalise for Hull/Stoke away at their ground in the last minute to set back your hunt for points. He won't be seen again, ever.
Lampard will score 4 goals directly into the net, the other 14 will go in off someones arse.
The respect campaign will be utilised across the country, Rooney still won't get booked for saying 'Fuck off Ref you fucking twat' several times during a game. Usually involving finger pointing and a 'look of death' from the red faced bastard.
Andy Gray and Richard Keys will again try to get something picked up in the press. An innocious foul, will be castigated and suddenly all the tabloids will follow suit, even though everyone knows it weren't that bad.
Richard Keys will love himself even more than the previous season and a few more times this season will try and challenge Andy Gray's opinions in some sort of half arsed attempt to be 'respected' as a pundit himself, rather than Gray's sidekick.
No-one, including the referees will understand the offside rule for the whole season.
After harping on about respecting referees, Sky Sports will replay an incident where the referee was wrong for the rest of the week on Sky Sports News,. During the actual game that took place, Andy Gray will have said something like 'I'm sorry Mr. Bennett, but you've totally ruined the game there' but by next Sunday will be dishing out shit towards a player for challenging a refs decision.
Alex Ferguson will again make a passing reference to retiring, while really just staying in the job till he has more Premier League titles for United than Liverpool.
Liverpool fans will get really excited about the prospect of beating United at Anfield. They will dominate the game, but either O Shea or Rooney will score an injury time winner at the Kop end to dash their hopes again.
If you get to a final, some stupid twat will come into the marked pub for a certain set of fans, he'll sing some songs from his teams hymn sheet and then subsequently have beer thrown all over him.
In Italy, there will be deaths of supporters at several games across the country, another police officer will die and if an English team travels there, they will have bottles of piss, stones and bottle caps thrown at them. In England, there will be a small fight between supporters at Wigan's ground in the home end. Platini, Galliard and Blatter will say that if any more of this happens, they'll consider action against England and maybe throw us out of the World Cup.
Blatter and Platini will come up with another stunning plan aimed at stunting the English game, but somehow giving an advantage back to the Spanish and Italian leagues.
You'll fucking shout that a refs biast or a decision was incorrect until your blue in the fucking face, it will consume you and you'll never recover from the injustice....


http://www.webweaver.nu/clipart/img/misc/construction/hammer-animation.gif

Too many nails.

Grimes
12th August '08, 11:23 PM
refs will become tyrants

Grimes
12th August '08, 11:24 PM
Darth Alex ferguson will get away murder and use his dark side influence to impact his opponents psychologically.

Pristine Condition
12th August '08, 11:51 PM
Rooney still won't get booked for saying 'Fuck off Ref you fucking twat' several times during a game. Usually involving finger pointing and a 'look of death' from the red faced bastard.

An Arsenal player will make a blatant and shocking foul. In customary fashion, Wenger will fail to see it.

i LOL'ed still

so many nails tho.

bonald
13th August '08, 12:25 AM
it's not live on this forum because nobody rarely discusses sport

but the best thing on the forum is banter
and when predictions go wrong

i remember ppl saying arsenal aren't in the top 4 last season
and they jus stayed quiet

life is dead without football

Hij
13th August '08, 12:49 AM
The proper one I did of this was based all around Liverpool and is slightly better, 50 replies already lol.

I had to adapt this one for other people. lol. Glad you liked it.

Hij
13th August '08, 12:49 AM
it's not live on this forum because nobody rarely discusses sport

Double negative mate :)

Pristine Condition
13th August '08, 02:16 AM
it's not live on this forum because nobody rarely discusses sport

but the best thing on the forum is banter
and when predictions go wrong

i remember ppl saying arsenal aren't in the top 4 last season
and they jus stayed quiet

life is dead without football

if you have not clocked banter on here ... boy your lost.